Day 605: Apply Pressure, Rinse, Repeat

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Two long days in a row!

I'm exhausted, and writing this out, on my phone, with my stylus, so likely this will be a short entry tonight. Bed is calling me and no matter how hard I try to focus the brain on work it just ain't coming. So rather than force it, I'll just give in and pass out soon. Blaze is already in bed. This is the last official thing I have to do. Then I'm off the clock. 

The day started out in sheer amazement as Blaze slept the entire night through, till 8am... in his crib!... he did wakeup crying again at around 5:30am but I was a little slow to respond and it was only a half-hearted cry session anyway, so he just went back to sleep. He probably thought, 'ah, what's the use, he's just gonna throw me in bed again anyway... might as well stay here.' This followed up a 3 hour nap at my mom's place yesterday. 3 hours! On his own.

Unheard of.  

Anyway, the day went downhill swiftly from there. 

More ticketing nonsense. I got some printed off at Staples and believe it or not the results were less than satisfactory. "Really, you mean the hastily designed tickets done at the last second fueled by frustration and desperation weren't all you hoped they'd be and more??!..."

Nay. They were not. 

So the new plan, to drop off tickets at the book store in Wolfville that we called this morning and set up, died a horrible death on the way from Staples to drop them off in dramatic U-turn fashion. As a result of both this poorly concocted turn of events, along with yesterday's frustration, a good sized monkey wrench made its way quite thwartingly into my plans for world domination by way of two 'mostly' comedy shows next weekend.

This was also less than pleasant for Jeannette as I also tend to be a difficult person to talk out of these moods. She did her best anyway, baby Jesus love her, and tried diligently to penetrate my dark cloud with her lightning bolts of reason. She's a gem that one. Indispensable. Utterly.  

And she was right of course, as was my cousin who made the same comment on Facebook; I do tend to put mountains of pressure on myself. But that's only because no one else does, or can -as I've never responded to, nor needed any form of outside encouragement- and if not me, then who? If not now... when? If not this... what??

I can't believe I took that so far.

Also, there's nothing wrong with pressure. It's through the application of pressure that we discover the true nature of our own mettle. I was again quite happy to note that even during the worst of it I didn't experience any true anxiety, of the type I used to feel in my chest. Thankfully the spiralling thoughts are no longer enough to excite the nerves of the greater organism. The company, it seems, has stopped worrying altogether what the occasionally bonkers CEO has to say about how things are going. It just moves forward, as ever. 

My point was this: the tickets are the first impression of the show. Suspect tickets is the first unravelling of the carefully spun ball of yarn I'm trying to weave into a very warm and beautiful scarf!! That visual got away from me a little there but you get the idea. I tried to articulate it as well with Jeannette but I think I did an even worse job. I don't know. Perfection is an ideal. Something to always strive for even knowing you can never fully get there.

It's the driving force of humanity and all of nature.  

So I abandoned the tickets idea and will just keep rocking the website, hoping it works most of the time, and will then do the remaining tickets at the door on the day. That's how we be rolling up here on the North Mountain y'all. Straight up. 

I'll make another video explaining the debacle and post it tomorrow if I'm able. I'll know for the next show however, and will figure out a better way to do... all of this! Hell, I might even go ahead and write the next show first! Just to prove I'm capable of learning the occasional lesson.

Patience then, is the order for the day, for both you and me, dear priminion. It will be necessary in this little relationship of ours. I am often throwing myself into uncharted waters and thus tend to incur a lot of mistakes in the beginning. But that's how you learn. One must simply have an indomitable will, persistent nature, and an unalterable course forward to follow. The rest takes care of itself: which explains me driving into the radio station about an hour after the ticketing debacle wondering aloud to Jeannette what the hell I was even doing there with no tickets to give them and no plan of action at all!

But going, nonetheless. 

And I'm very glad I did. 

I met with the Program Director, a woman I had met years ago when I tried to promote another show... nice to see I've learned a total of zero lessons since then... blarg... anyway, I went in not having any clue what I was going to say to her, but guessing it would be something along the lines of..  "Hey can you do something to help me?? I have a show with no tickets coming up in a week that I haven't written...."

"Security!"

Instead we talked for an hour and twenty minutes. I laid out my plan for the production community for her like a man in a bow tie telling someone his whole life story on a bus stop bench. Unloaded. Here's what I think and why. Here's what I want to do and why. Here's what I've done and why. It was a lot like the time I marched into the newspaper back in Fredericton when I was 20 with a portfolio of political cartoons in a garbage bag -it was raining- and nothing else prepared. I asked to see the editor and threw them on his desk. 

I got published about seven drawings later. 

This felt like that. Just pure passion and enthusiasm and not a prepared statement in the entire bag of goods. She had questions, lots of them, I answered. By the time I'd left she said they'd totally promote the show and would love for me to come by and meet with the whole team for some brainstorming sessions. Her and I totally clicked when it came to a lot of the ideas and as it turns out her team operates in much the same way and meet up once a week to spitball ideas. Moving forward I have no idea what this means, but I have a feeling I'll have a very good partner with those guys.

I've always loved radio stations! WKRP was my favourite sitcom for a long time. News Radio. 

Anyway, I felt reinvigorated coming out of there. I think it was the reminder of the big picture that I'm working toward which is something that can get lost in the day to day concerns and issues. It's easy to get lost in the details of things here and there, and to think they're not good enough, but people don't remember the details much anyway to be honest. It's the overall picture they get, that's what moves them. It's the take away.

I'm still working on that one with the show but even though it was a frustrating day and I didn't get much done on it, I'm still completely calm whenever I think about getting up there. Maybe it was Package Deal, maybe it was the Awakening. Whatever it was, I'm not worried about performing in the same way I used to. I suppose that's just trial by fire. Perhaps it's the same reason I don't worry about stepping out on the ice and playing hockey. 

At this point its second nature. And there's really nothing like that first blast of cold wind in your face as you accelerate forward. 

Nite munks. 
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note: I switched to the computer halfway through.. I never would have written all that on the phone!

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