Day 600: Mouthful of Medicinal Poison


Today my sister threw another baby shower for Jeannette.

I didn't go to this event, unlike the one for Blaze, as I decided instead to hang back and keep working on the show. I did some other writing as well and then hammered out a pretty decent opening that is starting to hone into something halfway decent. This wasn't until later in the afternoon of course, as we spent the morning hanging out at the house chasing around the two hob goblins. 

I wasn't feeling a hundred percent today. Blaze didn't sleep great last night so I was up and down a good few times with him. Then because of stupid day light savings we ended up getting up a whole hour earlier than usual, so by 7:30 I had him downstairs wandering around the living room full of piss and vinegar and ready for the day. Him, not me. Just so we're clear. 

I've never been full of piss and/or vinegar at that hour. I barely have half a tank of either liquids that early in the morning despite always wishing I was the type of person who got up early and liked it. The problem was, try as I might, I could never find a consistent reason to get up that early and so the entirety of my life I've gotten up at odd and late hours, without finding a way to break to cycle. This is what happens when you don't have a day job people. 

If there's anyone else out there who has that problem- comics, I'm looking at you- go have a couple kids. You'll have that little issue fixed up real quick like. They're the best alarm clocks because you can't shut them off. There aren't any snooze buttons either. Once they're up and going off there's really nothing you can do to stop them but get up yourself and get the day started. Relentless they are. 

So I was up early and feeling a little wonky from the get go. We didn't do much in the am hours besides play and drink coffee. Well, the coffee was for me, obviously. Dear god, giving Blazer coffee would be like putting 100 pounds of TNT inside the casing for an nuclear bomb. There's really no need to add the extra explosiveness.

As soon as he showed signs of fading I put him upstairs for a nap. He managed to stay down for a  good little while but rather than get any work done at that point, while Jeannette handled Zena and everything she requires on a moment to moment basis, I instead decided to head back to bed myself. We both slept until it was time for them all to get packed up and head off to the baby shower for 1:30pm. 

It was at that point that I finally got around to getting some work done.

I did some random writing, kind of an idea I had on the spot that fit into a few other ideas I had, and then slapped myself around a bit to get my head around what really needs to get done right now, which is work on the show. Which I did, for the majority of the afternoon.

It's coming, as I said, but though I'm hoping to have all the i's dotted and t's crossed well in advance of the actual show itself, I doubt that'll happen. More than likely I'll be getting up there with an outline and a general idea of where most of the material will go, but will take a hefty bit of improvisation into the show with me. 

No matter. 

Then tonight the worst thing ever happened thanks to a horrible miscommunication.

My head was pounding on account of not drinking enough water, which I almost never do, and just feeling miserable all day, so I asked Jeannette to get me some Advil. She was feeding Blaze some grapes at the time, as I was holding Zena and giving her a bottle. So you know, a bit of happy confusion going on, which is my first attempt at a defence for what was no doubt my own fault. Anyway, as I'm dealing verbally with a misbehaving one year old, while feeding the seven week old, Jeannette comes in and puts my water down next to me and shoves a couple things in my mouth. 

Now, yes, I should have remembered what those objects were considering I'd asked for them just a few minutes prior, but what can I say, I was distracted by the boy! Anyway, she pops what I assumed were grapes into my mouth -as I'm looking at the bowl of grapes she's holding in her other hand- and then proceed to bite down on them.

That was my first thought, grapes, but as I bit down I immediately noticed they were smaller and harder than grapes, these objects she fed me. No matter, I thought, she often buys those chocolate pomegranate seeds so my next assumption was that they were those. It was when the vile, disgusting contents of what were, in reality, Advil gel caps burst into my mouth covering my tongue with what tasted remarkably like rat poison, that I realized what I'd done and panicked. 

I swallowed the whole disgusting concoction as I yelled to Jeannette what had happened. She was absolutely no help whatsoever as she fell to the floor and rolled around laughing like a crazy person while calling me all sorts of names that revolve around the concept of 'idiot' as I gulped down a glass of water and started eating left over Halloween chocolates. 

Quick note on that: whenever you have something truly revolting in your mouth, it's best to slow play the taste buds back to form. Your first instinct will be to shove something great tasting in your mouth but this would be horribly wrong. You'll only ruin the taste of those foods for yourself, likely forever. So don't start with left over Halloween chocolate.

Do what I eventually did and suck on a Halls lozenge for a while first.  

The strong medicinal taste is a little more on par with the contents of those slow working gell caps, only a tad more bearable. Only when you're tongue is numb from the initial burst of horrific medicine, and the cherry of the Halls has calmed the stinging taste of factory chemical, will you start to feel some semblance of yourself again. 


Anyway, I'm much better now and my headache is gone, thanks for asking. I suppose that's not a surprise given the fact the medicine didn't have to work it's way up from my stomach.  

I'm now in the basement writing this as Jeannette tries to calm Zena. She's wailing right now, screeching the very refrain I felt like unleashing about two hours ago when first that blast of rancid medicine exploded in my mouth. 

The taste is gone. But the memory will remain forever.