Day 566: Bloody Aftermath

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Z,

A provocative title, especially if you didn't know my plans for yesterdays blood moon and were quickly reading this entry in hopes you'd hear something carnage related. No such material will be found in this entry so look elsewhere. Might I suggest ANY other source of news or commentary on the current state of humanity. If they're talking about puppies wait five minutes, you'll get your fill of bloody aftermaths. 

No. For me, I mean. After last night's meditation session.. with the big fire. 

I did it.

Yeah. I know. Shocking, given the unpredictability of our current living arrangement, in both having and agreeing to take good care of you two little monsters, whom we've willingly spawned into existence. I wasn't sure I'd pull off the fire, but when it came right down to it I was afforded the time to get it all orchestrated and set up before the event actually happened, and quite after putting your brother down to bed. 

I've had nothing in that particular fire pit but the haystack from our first Halloween here. I thought maybe it would dematerialize in the winter months, apparently I overestimated the rate at which organic material decomposes... no matter. 

So yes, back to the loody Afterrrrrmath.. 

Once I got a good fire going I was walking back to get my meditation space set up, upon the unused hot tub out back, when I saw a good sized piece of tree trunk that had been shaved off and discarded in who knows what day I had dudes with chained saws here, laying waste to the forest weedage my lot had accumulated in the time it was forced to put up with a previous owner. I picked it up, this circular block of wood, and threw it in the fire. 

This turned out to be a good decision.
As the night progressed I got to see that stump in some very interesting states.. and the fire burned all night. 

In terms of the meditation: I did it in two parts. 

The first I had headphones on and listened to an old dude chant AUM over and over and over again. It's an app I downloaded on my phone. 

It was tres cold out there last night so I had the big blanket from the basement with me, my hoodie, a hat, and the headphones. The fire itself was no good to me, thirty or so paces away as it is from the hot tub. It's more of a burning things area, than a "hey, let's hang out" fire pit. Anyway, the chanting worked quite well and gave the whole atmosphere of the blood moon a very 'meditation' worthy vibe. 

I didn't even bother trying to go deep at all until the blood moon had fully set, wanting to be in free use of my faculties of wonderment to watch that little gift of nature. It happened right when good ol' science told me it would. It was a deep red at times I found, as it began to creep across the moon -the shadow I mean- and then became a pale red once it consumed the moon. Massive. And right over my head. Not directly above me, but moving in an arc, from east to west, across the sky in front of me and above our backyard. 

So once that happened and I looked up at it until about the time my neck started hurting I really tried to dig into the meditation.

I don't have many positive things to say about myself at this point... save I kept it up and was out there for a while.. but I did enjoy the chanting. I tried it a bit myself but it didn't take so I stopped and just listened. I found it an effective way of redirecting stray thoughts as I reminded myself to meditate on the nature of the AUM sound, which is a three part sound. The chanting pronounces each sound very precisely, A.U.M representing the basic beginning/middle/end aspect of the universe... or any story you can think of. There's always a beginning, middle, and end.  

That's why it's the sound of the universe.
Also written and pronounced OM, if I understand it correctly. 

After rolling with that for a while and toying with the meditating on things -idea I've been introduced to but perhaps don't fully understand yet, I decided to try and do the memory work, drawing the board in my mind and imagining all the people. I'm still trying to link those people up with locations I'm happy with and that's where I got all junked up again as I sat there under the blood moon, no longer meditating at all, but just sitting, uncomfortably cross-legged, discouraging myself silently. 

So I tossed the headphones and left the memory work for another day, shook out the pins and needles from my stump of a right leg -honestly, that's how it felt when I unrolled it from the position I'd somehow gotten it into, like a dead thing, a limb that was not mine. Then I took one last look at the beautiful red moon in the sky, already now almost a quarter gone, and got into the real thing. 

Nothing much happened but I can report occasional glimpses of good mindlessness. Of being aware of only the elements around me, not following the trails of thought as they sprung to mind. It wasn't a flawless performance, by any stretch, but the entire time I merely got back to the fact that I was out there, doing it, that it was a practice, and that with practice comes perfection. So let's get on with it. And then I would try something tactic I'd heard to get me to where I want to go and went at it again. 

I might have been out there 45 minutes or so. Hard to say. Could have been longer. My legs today tell me it was longer... also my ass... and my back a bit. It's all good, and I've just come in from doing it again, as advertised. Same place atop the unused hot tub, but no fire tonight. Same deal with the chanting, trying it for a bit before discarding it for the mindlessness. Not great focus tonight but I'm very tired and we had an eventful day.. that I've gone and said nothing about. 

Well our car battery died today. We had James in our basement with this godforsaken boiler for a good couple hours. I went and picked up half an order of wood, stuffed it into my car, with your brother uncomfortably (but not dangerously) close to the whole pile and your mom started to get sick. 

But the blood moon Zena... ah, the blood moon. 

I hope you never know a time when you didn't meditate
...and couldn't do anything you wanted with your leg without suffering from 1000 tiny stabs of pain and a following day of walking wonky. 

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