Day 548: Eternal Redemption
My darling little gremlin.
Your father has lived a rather absurd life.
I realize that's throwing a really big word at you right off the hop, and you're only a couple of days old, so let me take a moment and let you know what I mean by that.
By absurd I mean that compared to other people I've met in this world, I have had a rather vast amount of striking experiences that have made for a pretty ridiculous ride, and what promises to be a very interesting future. That, and the fact the nature of almost everything that's happened to me is inherently absurd and humorous.
Yes my dear, your father just technically defined a word with itself... I've made a rather poor first impression haven't I? Well, no matter, if I believe in anything in this world it is in the eternal force of redemption, and so I will merely keep my chin up and continue on, hoping that through sheer volume of material over the course of these entries, I will one day win you back over.
I have never quite done things the way that other people seem to. It's never been my way. I've never been able to just accept what others have told me. Not since the very beginning. What this could possibly be from, I cannot guess, but if something didn't sound right to me, I either questioned it -if the person speaking was of a reasonable disposition- or remained silent and thought them either touched or simply not thinking clearly.
I've always had to walk the path myself.
One of my earliest memories in life would be falling head first off Dead Man's Cliff in Dartmouth Nova Scotia when I was five, propelled, as I was, by this very thirst for originality in both thought and deed. I don't know if it's still called Dead Man's Cliff now... or actually if it's ever been called that, officially; though for my friends and I growing up, the monolithic rock wall in the forest around our house was referred to as just that, Dead Man's Cliff. Perhaps someone almost died there.. I don't know. What I do know, quite intimately, is that I almost did.
I fell, plummeted, nose dived... off a cliff. At five. What horror for my parents, I'm only now understanding!!
Smacked my face off a rock at the bottom and blasted my forehead open, just above my eyebrows.
Quick note: don't think I don't now see the significance of getting my head smacked at the age of five right where the spiritual third eye is found on the head of a human! And also don't think for a second I'll stop saying it's in the shape of a lightning bolt just like Harry Potter!! even though your mother mocks me every time and says it's just a faded, jagged scar, of no particular interest or significance whatsoever! Such dishonour!!
So the reason for the first big error of my young life, leading as it did to my first literal brush with death, was done because I quote: wanted to find a new way down.
Zena my love, that pretty much sums up your dear old dad right there, if ever any story I have to tell you could. Got myself all smacked and bloodied up at the age of five, free climbing down what was at least a 40 foot wall of rock, when there was a perfectly good pathway just off to the side.
Yes, a pathway, plenty challenging in its own right, and already forbidden by our parents, so dangerous was the entire proposition, no matter the angle. And yet not even just being in that forbidden place, walking down that already terrifying path, was enough for your dear old father; though his friends were more than happy with it.
But no no! He instead decided he was Bear Grylls and Spiderman all at once, and daringly scaled the rock attempting to put his first flag of many in the fertile soil of childhood, to let it be known there and then that he would never be satisfied with anything but the hardest possible way to learn a lesson.
What can I say.. it's how daddy rolls.
From then on I have continued to be a bit of an anomaly, a clean living rebel of sorts, I guess you could say. When I say clean living I suppose I refer to the fact that before I met your mommy I had never had a drop of alcohol, never smoked a joint, never cheated on a single girlfriend in any way shape or form, and always held the doors open for the elderly.
After I met your mommy however...
..well, let's just say I went through a bit of a phase.
We'll get into it on your 20th birthday. That's a promise.
Nevertheless, the point I'm trying to make here is that this inner nature of mine has led me on a pretty similar path as I took down that rock, that fateful day, through my entire life to this point. Yes, I have pretty much fallen out of control, spiralling down through the air of time, until finally falling hard on that equally unforgiving spiritual ground a few years ago; a fall that took 35 years this time, instead of .35 seconds, only to have my third eye blasted open again.
Only this time, part of daddy didn't get back up.
Poor, poor, Jay Malone. What a good run he had.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. I was going to give a quick summary of the path I ended up choosing.
First I was a published political cartoonist at the age of 16. Then I turned 17 and was already too mature and advanced to bother with something so broken as politics. I then worked at a bunch of golf courses, then I did a bunch of other odd jobs of no particular interest that I pretty much hated, then I left home and was a kind of gypsy student who checked out three separate universities before deciding none of it was for him, then a comedian, an actor, an animator, a writer, a militant atheist -and when I say militant I mean with an intention of having the word atheist tattooed on my body- Think Ricky Gervais style atheist though, nothing in combat fatigues and a rifle.
And finally we reach now, today, this moment and forever into the future; a devotee of gOd working externally to make your world a better place and internally to reach union with that aforementioned gOd, through first; a re-tuning of my memory, second; the memorization of as much of the ancient wisdom tradition as I can shove into my eye meat and thirdly; the study of yoga so as to align my body in order to achieve higher states of consciousness through the meditation techniques I have yet to have any success whatsoever with!!
Oh, and while I'm doing all that I plan on being supported by any friends, family or readers who would like to help me achieve all this, whilst enjoying the rather copious amount of both writing, video and skills I will share with them online that will detail the entire experience. One life, breaking away. It's very tip of a little community project your father has concocted to take the focus off the acquisition of money and stuff and put it back on resources, and you know, human beings.
But it's been me from the beginning and thanks to you my little love, I am now embracing it.
Zena you will never know how strange it must be for literally ANYONE WHO KNEW ME AT ALL to read me casually write all that. I suppose I gave them all fair warning yesterday though, didn't I? I tried to tell them that watching you slide out of your mother and pop into existence did something to me. But you'll find some people don't really listen to you when you say something. It's human nature.
Though you'll never know that side of me, you won't ever have to go far online to hear quite the opposite of everything your father now and forever stands for coming from the mouth of younger version of yours truly. This fact doesn't bother me at all of course, as you will understand it all as I do now and will thus see the past -recorded or not- for what it is, something to be learned from.
You'll also never have heard a swear word come out of my mouth in your entire life; another promise I made to you yesterday that will also reflect outwardly the change that has occurred inwardly.
I've slipped up with that one already a BUNCH of times however, though I may one day make a case for the word shit given my fondness for it and the fact it started out as a warning to people in boats not to store their manure in low places in case of explosion... but not now. Anyway, I've caught myself every time I've slipped up the last couple days and will have definitely come up with some more entertaining alternatives by the time you'll be able to understand anything I say.
Also, I'm never hard on myself anymore. Relinquishing control will do that. I suppose it's like a Jesus takes the wheel kind of thing, though as yet I haven't made a lot of gOd/automotive analogies and don't plan on adding to the pile in the future.
Another thing about the fact I've changed so much and so drastically and so quickly, and why thoughts of how badly I slandered the divinity I now seek, is this; it now fuels my considerable amount of hope for the future of the species of your birth.
If someone so hardened to the concept and ways of a God that seemed so ridiculous to believe in for 35 years of life can change course so quickly, and with such obvious benefits and blessings in life as a result of righting his own ship.. then what does that say about the rest of us? Can we not all do it?
Well, considering we're all equal, and we all come from nature, and all of nature comes from a single point that went through a big bang, then it is quite reasonable to further conclude that we were and are and always will be all part of the very same thing; the oneness of reality. gOd in all the varied words and sounds we've made to describe it.
As such, we are all equal and thus all able to connect to the same source of our life and existence because of course, say it with me, we're all made from and are of the same cosmic stuff.
I had twelve stitches in my head that day Zena, the day I fell off that cliff. They needed 12 stitches to keep your daddy's brain from falling out (exaggeration). Six inside and six out. I healed up quick and moved on from there, being a lot more cautious in life probably, when it came to physical adventures, but never losing that desire to go my own way. Which of course, has never been more on display than this.
I suppose the lesson in there is this, all you can do is be true to your own nature and trust that as long as you stay out of your own way, you will end up exactly where you want and more importantly, where you need to be.
Oh, and when looking for a new way anywhere, falling is never going to be a good way to go. Shortcuts just get your head blasted open.
Sleep well my little owl, and for the love of gOd start breast feeding!!!