Day 479: The Dragon Lady Cometh

Okay, so things just got interesting in the baby sex prediction department. I have two updates to relate to you, one being potentially more significant than the other, though both are likely nothing concrete given the fact it has proven to be a speculative endeavour at the best of times; this baby divining that everyone gets into whenever they see a belly sticking out.

Still, I'm at least intrigued to see what happens now that I have this new information, and if it does end up being a girl, as these two incidents would seem to point to - if you take them seriously at all - then I will have been made a believer after all the shit talk I've engaged in. Who knows? We may have finally figured out the one tell tale sign that determines the sex of an incoming child. Stranger things have happened!

The first 'evidence' that we've been told should lead us to conclude that Blaze will be getting a baby sister comes to us from the random Lebanese man who served Jeannette a shawarma plate yesterday at the mall. Evidently Jeannette ordered our food from the elder gentleman whom then went into the back to make it. As he did so his wife then came out to speak with Jeannette. She asked her if she knew what the sex of the baby was. Jeannette told her no, that we wanted it to be a surprise and upon hearing this -disregarding our wishes entirely, either because she's a little rude this shawarma master's wife, or because she knows most of what her husband says is complete and utter nonsense, she then told Jeannette -and by extension.. me- that we would be having a girl; that her husband had declared it so. 

When Jeannette asked how the shawarma guy was so sure, his wife said that as soon as Jeannette had opened her mouth to make her order he had had a very strong feeling. I'm still not convinced that it was anything more than a natural male reaction to the sight of Jeannette's rather large boobs; honestly, she'll soon give the wife of Dog the Bounty Hunter a run for her money, but I wasn't there so I shouldn't pre-judge. 

The woman then said quite confidently that once we've had the baby, and it's a girl, we should go back and tell her; a strike against her husbands clairvoyance if you ask me, and any other psychic type person, as if they were really so sure they wouldn't need us to come back and tell them! ... Hmmm, unless perhaps they're VERY powerful psychic mediums and are waiting for the one time his prediction is wrong which will then fulfill some kind of terrible psychic prophecy. "Beware the girl born a boy!" or something to that affect.. though you would think Bruce Jenner would have already fulfilled that one. 

I make no judgements about Bruce you understand. I just have my doubts whenever someone asserts that 'nature got it wrong..' Not sure I buy that one. 

In any event the shawarma itself, cold as it was by the time it came to me, was very good indeed, which somehow made me more apt to buy into the prediction than had the food been shit. Does that make sense? Still, it made no more dent in my thinking about such things than any other prediction by anyone else.. except for the one that soon followed, last night, when Jeannette and I were laying in bed.

We were laying there, getting ready to sleep, when she suddenly started telling me about a realization she'd had earlier in the day, a realization that had hit her pretty hard, and one that she wasn't sure she should tell me, but one that had almost convinced her that we are, in fact, having a little lady; a fact that must have been hard for her to say considering a little girl would mean the ZZ top beard stays on my face. 

I'll have to remind you of the time last year, just shortly before Blaze was born, literally a week or so, when Jeannette's mom had come to Nova Scotia to stay with us. We were having dinner one night when I quite casually reached over and took some food off Jeannette's plate. Seeing me reaching for it, she lifted her plate, making it more accessible, and continued talking to her mom as I took whatever piece of food it had been. Immediately, out of nowhere, her mother pointed at the exchange and exclaimed "It's a boy!!" 

We both looked at her wondering what the hell she was talking about; she was almost on her feet at this point, pointing to the food I'd taken, wide eyed in certainty and excitement about her own proclamation. She told us that she had been waffling back and forth on what the sex was going to be the entire pregnancy, but that with that one simple act of allowing me to take food off her plate, her opinion was sealed in stone and that we would be having a boy. Why? Because according to Jeannette's mom, when you're having a girl you're incredibly selfish, particularly with food, but when you're having a boy you're selfless and have no problem sharing anything, even food from your own plate. 

That might be the hardest I've laughed in a while. The theory itself was pretty funny, compared to all the other ones we'd encountered, but it was more her mothers certainty that was so hilarious. than anything else. 

And then it was a boy, when I had been so sure it'd been a girl.
And then last night happened. 

So Jeannette was laying in bed next to me, with Blaze sleeping between us, and she started telling me about their day at the mall and how things had gone. They had stopped to eat, getting shawarma for me and something else for everyone else from the food court, and had met back up at a table to eat together. Good so far, nothing out of the ordinary at all. But then she admitted something that hadn't occurred to her until just then, while she was laying in bed thinking about the day. "I wouldn't give Taylor any of my food," she said, feeling a bit of guilt. 

"What do you mean?" I asked. 

"Well, she looked at my plate and said, 'ohh, what are those?' and I said, 'shrimp.. and you can't have any." Then she started telling me about other times she'd noticed herself acting like a bit of a savage with food; completely out of character for Jeannette you have to understand. She'd give you the food from her mouth, it's just in her nature. But there have been other times, recently, where she's exhibited this strange 'get the hell away from my food when I'm eating!' attitude lately which she now thinks is pointing to the fact that she's having a girl. 

Later that night she was eating an apple... AN APPLE... one of the most ubiquitous fruits on the planet. Shit man, there are so many apples around you can find them laying in the street. Again it was poor Taylor who ended up feeling the sharp end of the pregnancy stick when she walked by and said something to the effect of, 'wow, that apple looks really good,' clearly hoping that her aunt Jeannette, one of her favourite people in the whole wide world might deign to slice a piece off for her so she could go on her merry way with a bit of nourishment in her belly.

Jeannette's response? "Yeah, it is," and then she took a bite in her face and walked away. 

Again, she's nothing like this usually! It's the beast inside her! The selfish, female beast!

Even the leftovers her grandmother had given us the other day.. which I never saw again I should add.. her sister Nada told me that she'd packed it away in the back of the fridge so no one could get at it. When confronted about this today she gave us all a dirty look and said something to the affect of "yeah, so, what's it to ya," and then proceeded to tear a strip off her sister for something else.  

I have no idea what the medical explanation of this would be, but all I know for sure is that if we end up having a girl I'm going to do further testing on this theory until I can find out conclusively if it's legit. If that means having another seven kids of my own so I can monitor her greed habits on a moment to moment basis, then by God that's what I'll do! For science!!! Of course there is the possibility that we're having another boy and Jeannette is just turning into a shitty person, but I'd happily accept the shawarma guy at the mall is some kind of ancient oracle before I'd buy that, knowing her as I do. 

Now if you don't mind, I'm going to sneak a snack from the fridge while Jeannette is drifting off beside me. Honestly, it's like trying to sneak a gold coin out from under the belly of a fire breathing dragon. 

Nite munks.