Day 450: Sugary Sludge Test: Addendum


I received a text from my cousin yesterday, after she read my post on the glass of glucose sludge Jeannette had to endure, and told her I would share it with you guys today. I then gave her the chance to edit parts of it but she merely responded by telling me that she was laughing so hard she was pissing her pants. Perhaps she thought I was joking. Nevertheless... here we are! #fulldisclosure

Simply copying and pasting the text for you all here, in the easily readable format it's in, hardly does justice to the moment I received it.. as a text. I immediately read it out loud to Jeannette, feeling pangs of spasms in both my thumbs as I struggled to scroll through all of the provided information; a text that had the two of us laughing pretty much through the whole thing.

Don't misunderstand me, I am certainly not intending to mock my particularly intelligent, knowledgeable, and kind hearted cousin, who took the time to inform us as to the necessity and requirements of this test (from a medical standpoint) and will in fact do my best to memorize the information she sent so that I can be better informed next time I have to argue this point- which, of course, I no doubt will; medical findings and jargon aside.

I merely re-post the entirety of what she wrote in order to illuminate the wealth of information provided if there are any other readers who like me, were ignorant as to the step by step process of how gestational diabetes manifests and why the test is required; as well as to perhaps further clarify my purpose with this blog. Enjoy!!

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She utterly bitch slapped me! 

Of course, I could have no doubt googled all of this and read up on it myself, but I think you'll agree it's far more entertaining to receive it as a text from a reader, especially when that reader is one of my closest cousins! 

A couple of points very quickly come to mind: 

One, we did go through with the test.

I don't want to suggest that we're the kind of people who question all of science's offerings, turning our nose up to immunizations as we seek to support Jenny McCarthy in her plight to rid the world of healthy children. As always we broach any concerns or questions to our doctor before making a decision on following through with a test such as this. Due to the fact he seemed quite set on us taking it again, and the fact that we respect his expertise as a doctor, we dutifully submitted and off she went to the hospital.

Also, it's not as if I was seriously declaring that all doctors and medical people in general are a bunch of shit heads who run around all day trying to concoct various ways to unnecessarily annoy pregnant women, and the public in general, using their vaulted station in life to see what they can get away with.

"Hey Dr. Gary, let's put a bunch of sugary shit in a cup and get pregnant women to swallow it! We'll tell them it's for diabetes or something, and see how gross we can make it before they start slapping it out of our hands."

"Really?? You think we should? What's the point?"

"The point is we're doctors, Gary!! GODS! We can do whatever we want! Then we'll take a bunch of their blood, make them wait a week, then call them super early in the morning in order to wake their baby up and just tell them they're fine." 

No, it's a test that has been devised by the current medical community and as such I'm sure it has it's merit. It no doubt catches a lot of early issues in a pregnancy so that they can be caught in time to take the necessary steps. Of course, none of these points are particularly valuable or salient when you're writing what's meant to be taken as an ENTERTAINING BLOG ENTRY!

I was merely asserting my own frustrations from the perspective of someone who doesn't have all the knowledge in that text floating around in my cranium -it's shocking how well informed that text is!- but does, I think, still have the benefit of being a human on the planet who enjoys going off on all kinds of rants; be they about the medical field, the state of education, space, evolution, religion, ticks, the undiscussed epidemic of pregnant farting and on and on. I don't claim to be an expert about anything (other than kids under the age of 8months and two weeks.. :) nor am I asserting that we should do away with all medical tests, strip down naked, run out into the forrest en masse and return to a state of general barbarism. 

I merely get on my soap box every day and say a bunch of shit that may or may not be true, relevant, or helpful... as is my gOd given right!! (please read that as seriously as possible and picture me standing up on my rooftop with a bible, as lightning strikes all around me and my dog barks at me to get down... as it was written and intended)

I do recognize perhaps my sarcasm doesn't always come across on the blog, but such is the nature of words on a page, which are often read with a much different tone than the way in which they are written. If perhaps my cousin were to start some kind of a campaign to get high speed internet up on our mountain then I wouldn't hesitate to switch from writing these out, to reading them for the camera, in the same fashion in which they are written in my head; in order to avoid future miscommunications. 

Not that this kind of a response is altogether a blogging problem, or something specific to my cousin. I can't tell you the amount of times I would be doing standup comedy and have someone come up to me after the show who "enjoyed everything (I) had to say" but took umbrage with one bit or another that invariably turned out to be something that affected them personally. You can imagine my surprise when an early bit about a man I'd seen downtown with two hooks for hands, was commented on after a show by a woman with one hook. The bit was never mocking, and was more inquiring, but it was an interesting and enlightening encounter nonetheless, as I defended my right to merely comment on the world I see around me. 

And so I will wrap up today's blog by repeating to my cousin a sentiment that I often reminded many audience members of during my days on tour: 

If every opinion or expression was pre-edited and dissected in order to assuage the individual feelings and sensitivities of every single person and profession on the planet, we would all walk around in a crushing silence, unable and unwilling to say anything at all. 

Having said that, I do hope she keeps sending me texts to correct me where and when I'm quite obviously wrong, if not perhaps daily reminders of how little I actually DO know. I would also like to further state that I love my cousin quite desperately, enjoyed her pork chops the other night, and do hope she read this entry with the tongue in cheek, well intentioned tone that was intended. 

Also, if she plans on camping with me in the future, as we've discussed, she will no doubt find herself featured much more prominently in my blogs to come, and as such, will have to get a little more savvy to outward expressions of her cousins somewhat mouthy, digital nature. 

Love you Jos!!