Day 387 "A thousand deleted pictures"

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So remember when my brand new desktop got infected with spyware a couple of weeks ago? And I wiped it clean and started over? Do you recall that entry? If you do, you'll also remember that as annoying as it was I wasn't too upset about it because I've only had the computer a short while and didn't really have anything on it that I needed.

Until tonight.

As it turns out I forgot all about the fact that I'd downloaded all of Jeannette's pics, a thousand or so, off her phone and onto my computer. Her phone was full you see.. and.. well.. does it matter? They're gone. 

If it had been my own pictures I wouldn't really care much, as I'm not a huge picture person. Oh sure I take a lot of them, and occasionally like to go back and look at them, but I'm pretty take it or leave it in the picture department. But they weren't mine, were they? Nope. They were Jeannette's. And she most definitely IS a picture person. Thus, I feel like a proper shit tonight. 

As a result I'm not much in the mood for writing right now. It's 9:30 and after this entry I'll just be heading to bed. I am tired, it's not all disappointment with myself for having deleted a thousand of my soon to be wife's most precious memories. I worked out for the first time today in.. well, it felt like forever. As a result my body is screaming at me, even when just sitting here. I also climbed out the window, walked around my roof, and took a shovel to the accumulated ice on the master bedroom patio. I haven't been able to get out there this entire winter due to the snow, so today I finally got fed up and took a shovel to it. It's not completely clear mind you, but I managed to put a dent in it. There had to be five inches of ice under all that snow. Harrowing experience. 

Jeannette was out all day with Blaze and my mom, leaving me with the house to myself. I worked a lot on the project I've been writing about the last couple of days, taking a shot at the pitch materials and emailing my friend back and forth to discuss. We're into the long weekend now, so that'll come to a dead halt, which will give me a chance to continue on some of the other stuff. I'll probably spend most of tomorrow on the sci-fi series. I had a bit of a chat with one of the actors I have in mind for one of the lead roles tonight actually.

I haven't heard from Amanda yet, as she was off doing a comic con, I believe, in Hawaii.. last week I think. She's a busy lady, so I'm not too worried about it. I'll hold off on pushing too hard to connect and let her shoot me a something whenever she's ready to chat again; a text, an email, a tweet, a carrier pigeon, however she chooses to roll is fine with me. As much as I'd love to chat with her about the recent developments with the story, it never hurts to have more time to flesh things out. 

I'm a bit bummed about some other news I got today that I can't really get into, on account of the prime directive. It's not my news to share. Suffice it to say it's about someone I care about and they're not doing too well. I think that, in addition to the picture fiasco, and my overall fatigue, has put me in a bit of a foul mood.

I'm not on the best of terms with this person anymore, we're not close now, though we once were, but I was still affected by the news today nevertheless, and try as I might I'm having a tough time shaking it. It's a tough situation, because the person in question is really doing this to themselves, one of those 'illnesses', but given the fact it is an actual illness, can you really hold the person accountable for their actions?? The behaviour itself is self-destructive, but the behaviour is the very thing that has it's hold on the person, for reasons they obviously can't control or they would have done something already. 

It's a hard call to make. I know it makes it a lot easier to deal with if you do just point the finger at them and say, 'well shit man, you're doing this to yourself so I don't have any sympathy for you', but at the same time, they're very sick, clearly suffering, and now, on the verge of some very serious, and irreversible type scenarios, so who cares what the reason is. 

I don't know. I'm a bit discombobulated about the whole thing. It's not as if this is the first time I've learned about someone destroying themselves. I suppose a lot of people do that, to varying degrees, and perhaps it's just part of who we are as a species; written in the DNA so to speak. Still, it doesn't make it any easier to swallow. I've spoken to this person about the issue, a good few times, and it did no good. Many others have tried as well. Head. Wall. Banging. So what do you do? Nothing? I don't know, that's not really something I'm good with. Never have been. Still, I suppose sometimes there's really nothing you can do. 

Blarg.

So I should leave you with something positive, I guess, shouldn't I? Isn't that what we're all supposed to try and do; to never 'go to sleep angry'. Or is that just for relationships? Seems to me this is a relationship of a sort, is it not? You come and read this thing fairly regularly I think, those of you who stop by. So I should treat you with the same courtesy and respect I treat anyone else I talk to on a regular basis. And when have I ever left a conversation with someone I liked on a down note?

Actually, I have no way of knowing how often I do that. It's not something I keep track of. 

You know what else I don't keep track of.. pictures. Balls!! 

Okay, well this isn't headed in any positive directions any time soon so I'll just cut it short here and say good night. Tomorrow will be tomorrow. I'm certain of that. Actually now that I think about it, tomorrow never comes does it? It's always just today. And yesterday, of course,though that's even a difficult one to nail down with any accuracy. Come to think of it, how aware am I of what happened today??

I should have ended this with "Balls!" about seven lines ago. 

Grim.
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