Day 042 "Barns Are For Cows"

Look, I've got nothing against cows. In general I have nothing but respect for them. They've kept us knee deep in milk for who knows how long and have eight or so stomachs. That's an animal you can build a world around.

But they should still live in the barn.

Look they're not house creatures like you and I. They don't have the stomach for it. Just the one I mean. We're much better suited to home living as they would just constantly be in the kitchen going through the refrigerator. Can you imagine you with 8 stomachs?

Maybe you can. In which case, eat less. But if you're like me and you can't imagine it; the loud growls coming from all kinds of different places inside you, at any given time of the day, then you should be afraid of such a world. I don't know about you but I'm not standing in a line for the pantry. The bathroom is undignifying enough. And yes I know that's not a word.

I'm not actually sure if that's how it works with cows. If they feed the one stomach and then move on to the rest. Like a Ferris wheel of food sacks. Or if they each get a portion of the bite?

Okay I started writing about this very thing, using cows as my clever seguway, and then it took me from you.

The cold I mean. That's what I was getting at. How cold it is in this cursed house, respectively, and how I'm not, nor have I ever been, interested in actually living in a barn.

Okay, I took a breath. Was starting to get a bit worked up there. Look, it's not a big deal guys. It's not like we put $300 dollars in the tank less than two weeks ago and then spent a total of three nights here, before coming back today after three days away to find it nearly empty. It's not like that happened. So we're fine over here! We're totally NOT getting the hell out of out here ASAP and seeking refuge with my parents until we go back to Vancouver in a couple weeks. Not at all.

And Jeannette isn't sleeping all the way over at my parents place while I stubbornly (yet kindly) hang out here tonight, throwing wood in the stove so the pipes don't freeze. That's not happening either. So we should be all good. Totally.

For now we'll just say that he's been informed of the oil situation and the fact that we will be vacating earlier than we'd intended.

Not that I'm withholding money or being shady mind you. No no. He was paid for our stay here, in full, up front. Because I loved the place and respected his need to get the hell out of town immediately.. Ahem), I mean go home, for the holidays*. What can I say? He mentioned snow owls and had white hair so I obviously trusted and liked him immediately.

*Just a joke there, you understand, on account of the fact I was a comedian and all. I did festivals. You can google that.. I'll wait..

So that's the end of the great rustic adventure to my home land/province/town. The first phase anyway. Stay tuned to the blog for a possible video review of the place. Or we'll just leave and never come back. That could also happen as well.

But aside from the cold, and the hat on my head, and scarf on my neck, and blanket, and fire an inch from my feet - I'm having a pretty good night. It's toilet bowl quiet out here at night.. and with the music off it's quite relaxing.

Sure ill freeze my collective balls off in bed and likely put my jeans on over my pajamas at 3am, but right now it's nice.

I'm not greatly looking forward to writing the minimum tonight. I've hit a snag. Brought on, I think, by a combination of long days and .. Well, long days I guess. Which leads to a lot of night writing. And night writing, for me, is a bit of a brainstorm session. My mind focuses for shorter periods of time. Side affect of the standup background. Brain trained that way. But I'm sure it's also a condition of humanity at large. The mind spirals more at night after a whole day of stimulation.

Or it's the opposite and the mind calms down and considers that stimulation in a measured and disciplined way and I'm just an asshole who doesn't know anything.

That is both utterly possible, and a very long sentence.

So I need some earlier starts for the snag, I mean book, to get some good momentum again.

Wow. I just turned the light off and it's now dark in here except for the fire and the moonlit snow outside the window (though it may as well just be in here, it's that cold and I wouldn't mind the company). This is pretty great. The light of the phone is annoying, but I want to get this finished so I can get back to the snag. I mean book.

Urrgh. That's a more manly form of the more common ugh in case you were wondering.

This is ninja territory. That's where I am right now. Ninjas. People sitting in front of fire like this is the old days had to contend with ninjas. Maybe not in Nova Scotia but.. well anyway.

They'd sneak up on me pretty easily right now. I've got Jewel on the Jambox right next to my ear. Spotify kicked back in randomly and with a vengeance. I'm killing this visual aren't I? Well, as I said, it's full disclosure people. That's the only way to make anything truly interesting.

Uh oh, that sounded Huru'ish.

Okay I have to go put more wood on the only thing keeping me alive right now. Have a good night guys. And if you're reading this from inside one of the pipes of this house, you little gymnast you, please try to keep them all from freezing. -mp