Day 159 / Sick and Tired...
Not sure what the deal is. Jeannette's mom thinks it was my hour and a half wandering session through the wind and snow the other night, and I don't have the strength to argue. It's not a stretch, I suppose. I did almost perish in a snow drift. I felt fine yesterday but perhaps whatever airborne virus assaulted me on that perilous walk needed 24 hours to rally its troops.
I have no idea. All I know is I woke up with a wicked headache and felt incredibly nauseous. I went back to bed and pretty much stayed there all day. Then we ordered Chinese food, which ended up making me feel much worse, and now here we are, watching the movie Holiday. Not a bad movie though Cameron Diaz annoys me. I don't know what it is.
So this will be one of those entries I'm afraid. Where not much of any substance gets said and we're all just going through the motions.
What would you like to talk about? Anything? Nothing? What's bothering you today. You seem very quiet. Are you sick as well? Okay fine, I'll just write and you can just sit there and read. I'm assuming you're sitting as it would be somewhat strange if you were standing while reading this. Surely if you're standing you have more important things to do then read this. No, sitting makes more sense.
Unless you're laying down.
Wow, this just got intimate.
Tomorrow I'm going to a shooting range. I suppose we could discuss that for a moment. I've never fired a gun. Which speaks more to the relative peace accomplished by my country of birth than my lack of manliness. At least, that's how I prefer to look at it. But in the past year I've realized a few things and now feel that the ability to shoot a rifle is just one of those skills I should have in my repertoire.
You know, for when the bombs drop.
That's my new thing. How prepared are you for that day? When all the luxuries are gone. I'm not one of those weirdos building bomb shelters in their basements or anything; a bomb shelter should always be off the property anyway. Kidding. I have no idea where it should be. I only mean to say I would like to start developing the skills one would need if one were to find oneself in the woods... Or say, lost, in a suburb of Ottawa during a wind storm... As can happen quite quickly I've discovered.
I've always detested the idea of hunting as well, though I'll be dabbling in that soon I'm sure. "Why would you kill an animal if you don't have to?" I always told myself. And while I still agree that unnecessary killing is, well, unnecessary. I have found a justification for for it in my new way of thinking. If it is done in the pursuit of a survival skill, and the animal isn't just shot and left for dead - if, in fact, the accompanying skills of dressing and preparing the meat and all that are also cultivated, and if; to make this sentence even more convoluted, one day that cultivated skill is used to keep either myself or my family alive - then one could say the life of the animal that was taken was not taken carelessly or in vain.
Take eating meat for example. I appreciate the sentiment of the vegetarian out there, but I think they've got it all wrong. We all make sacrifices. We all will be sacrificed, from a certain perspective. The question becomes what do you do with the meat that has been sacrificed? Do you use the food energy to better yourself and move forward towards a more complext state of existence? Or do you just shovel a big mac into your face and watch five consecutive hours of Seinfeld reruns?
Perspective is important.
For instance, from my perspective, this entry seems incredibly strange and completely unworthy of posting. And yet I will post it. Because from another perspective I realize that this is just a single drop in an ocean of entries and will inevitably be lost in the deluge of other material I will be adding on top of it.
So to those few who bothered to take a moment and read the above mindless ramblings of a doped up writer I say thanks. And take heart. I'm sure after a day spent shooting guns outside I'll have many more interesting things to talk about.
Or I won't. Who can say? - mp