Day 131.2 / Hey There Guys. Listen, um...
I truly hope my news yesterday didn’t ruin your Halloween. Or worse, cause a complete and utter global panic resulting in the shut down of all forms of civilization everywhere on Earth. I haven't watched the news today so I'll just keep the curtains closed and hope the latter scenario didn't go down. Though I doubt the aliens I speak of will be too concerned about being called out on this blog. They’ll deem me unworthy of attention and go about their nefarious ways, business as usual, secure in the knowledge that people will think I'm just making it all up for shits and giggles.
And in doing so they will be making a very grave mistake my friends. For they will be underestimating you. For even now, as you read this, I can picture you standing there in full camo with satchel full of weapons loaded and slung over your shoulder, merely awaiting my intstructions to act and drive these filthy invaders back to whatever filthy rock they're from.
Wow. Well, first of all let me just say that I really appreciate your gusto. I just wish we'd talked about this yesterday because that's more a final phase type posture. Yeah. We're more in the beginning stages of this movement right now. You've kind of maybe jumped the gun a bit. I mean, I like the hutzpah and all. Just in future, let's be a little more pragmatic. I haven't said 'go' yet, have I? Or anything of the kind in fact. I'm quite sure of that as I've only written one other entry on the matter and it was yesterday. Wait let me check just to make sure... Yep, no one said 'we're a go' or 'kill the aliens now' or anything of the sort.
So let's all just slow our rolls for a moment and gather ourselves. I know you're probably wonering why I haven't written more about this, after coming out of the closet as the first ever human to speak to some kind of alien life thingy. It's a valid point. I mean, if I'm so concerned about these Earth stealing alien junkies running around why not spend all my time writing about it? Why not alert the media immediately?
Well if I've learned one thing after writing for 131 days in a row it's that you have to just chill and do the 30 minutes you set out to do. The key is consistency and quantity. That's what we need nowadays. Constant updates. "What are the alien plans today!" they'll be screaming from the hilltops. And I'll answer them. Everyone of them.
Also, if I just write and write and write about this every hour of every day, quit my acting career and the book I'm writing, stop bathing myself and complimenting my girlfriend, no longer even understanding which of those is worse.. then I'd just sound like some weirdo crazy person and you'd banish me to Myspace.
I wish it was all that simple. I wish I was just crazy. But the truth is I’ve known about all this for a while, been getting these flashes of insight. I just had to wait until I was on TV before I could start divulging any information. If I were to have told you this before I got a TV show no one would have listened to me and the aliens would simply have done away with me, no questions asked.
But I've kissed Pamela Anderson now. So even if some few who don't really read this think I'm nutso for merely telling the truth, there would at least be a moderately sized search party. Fans of Pam, perhaps, in association with some of my high school hockey pals, who though don't really know me anymore, would surely sweep some flashlights across some fields out of respect for the achievement.
“What happened to the kinda funny guy who's kissing Pamela Anderson on TV soon?” they’d ask. And that would make the aliens too nervous. So I think we're all good on that front. I just want you to be assured that I was safe before I started telling you how you can be safe.
So now that we've established at least some of the reasons why I've had to wait to tell you about all this, I can get start getting into the dirty little details of what's going on out there. And more importantly, how you can take steps to defend yourself.
Unfortunately, the 30 minutes are up and I have to watch more Sons of Anarchy. Which is a damn shame cause a bunch of you are in danger tonight but I don't have time to get into it right now. Maybe I'll write an early entry today and hope to catch you. If not, good luck. I would avoid the color blue if I was you. For at least two days.
But don't worry, that's just for those of you in danger right now.
Anyhow, I'll try to waste less time tomorrow and get into the meat of it. Where the aliens live, why they're here, and how they're using us to kill ourselves because they're basically cosmic pussies who abhor getting their own hands dirty.
Oh and try to keep up with all of this on your own, would you? I can't be updating everyone and their dog constantly as this gets more and more complex, which it will.
So if you miss some critical piece of information on a day when one of these things comes sauntering on up to you, and I've expressly told everyone they should have dry ice on them that day, and you don't, well sir, that'll be on you.
Grim times indeed. - MP