Day 149 / More Of The Same


Are you sick of this topic yet? I know I am. But laying here as I am, alone in my room, having been forced to cancel my trip due to increased and intense pain I'm afraid there's nothing else I can talk about.

I could try, sure. I could rewrite that proof as to why the egg came first, and not the chicken. But then when the meds I just took kicked in you would wonder why my argument deteriorated into an incoherent mass of seemingly random words followed by whatever managed to get typed when I passed out and the computer falls to the floor. 

I had to postpone my trip to Ottawa. Jeannette was able to catch the flight, at least, which I'm happy about. She managed to somehow get all my flight stuff sorted out before she left. She didn't want to but I pushed it pretty hard. There's nothing she can do right now that my family can't and she was really excited to get back to Ottawa. If she'd stayed she would have just been waiting on a cranky prick with a shit back who watched garbage on TV until it was time to cry out like a baby whenever a new ice pack got slapped on the back. 

Another great feature of being home is getting taken care of by your mom and sister. Just like old times, when a zig instead of a zag on the ice resulted in a similar injury and prolonged exposure to bed. I am no stranger to injury. But as I said, I prefer the ones that make sense. The ones where there is a very clear reason for the pain. A reason my organism can pinpoint and avoid the next time. Not something that rises up out of nowhere like a ghost. 

I went to the chiropractor this morning, as I said, hoping to get some relief before we flew. I really liked the guy. He was very patient and competent. I explained my whole history and he was very attentive and understanding. He said all the right things and even now as I lay here with a solid 8.5 out of the possible 10 this pain could be - 10 being what I experienced when it first happened nearly two years ago when I ripped a closet door off its hinges - even now as I lay here I have no ill will for the good doctor-ish. 

I just should have gone with my instincts and waited till I found someone who did the ultrasound therapy. I called my chiro down in LA after I got home, sat down, exploded inside, and cancelled my trip. Ultrasound therapy, they told me. So I made another couple of calls and found someone around here who did it. I know I probably need some adjustments or something at some point. I'm sure what he was doing would have helped say three weeks down the road. Whatever the underlying issue is clearly must be treated at some point. But right now we're well beyond readjusting, this back of mine and me. All it did was create more micro-tears blowing up the whole region even more. 

It's almost comical if you think about it. I went in, expressed the level of pain I was in, he quite accurately described why the pain was seeming to spread into greater areas on my back - the source being my trapezius muscle (as my LA doc-ish confirmed) - and then proceeded to make it much, much worse as we sat and chatted amiably.

Side Note: Sneezing is not good... 

Right now all I need is for someone to do something that will bring the inflammation down. I need the swelling to subside. I need that goddamned ultrasound machine. I don't need my neck cranked. I don't need treatments that are meant to 'loosen' or 'strengthen' things up. Those are all fine and good but those techniques clearly aren't for dealing with trauma. Which is what's going on right now. 

It was almost like getting into a car accident and having your knee shattered only to go into surgery and have them bend it in five different ways for four repetitions and then getting sent home. The good news is that all it cost me was 75 dollars. 

Side Note: I hope the sarcasm was clear there. I'm starting to feel dopey. More so than usual. 

So Thursday I go in and will have the ultra sound therapy done. If the past is any indicator of my near future that should fix me up and I'll be almost as good as new by the weekend. I'd be in a much fouler mood - as I was two years ago - if there was no relief in sight. But there is. It's just a few dozen hours of discomfort away. 

My flight has been rebooked for Sunday. I would have felt much worse if I hadn't been able to coax Jeannette to go. She was really looking forward to spending time with her family, as was I - in truth the greater tragedy is that I won't get to sample any of the welcome home feast her mom cooked up today (I think that hurts more than the pain right now - especially considering I just had peanut butter and toast...) But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't risk this going to defcon 4.

The spasms, when they arrive, are unbearable. 

So here we are. Laying in bed for the past eight hours like a gimp. I just watched a Star Trek Next Generation episode and now have the hockey game on. When the meds kick in I might fire up the PS3 and shoot a bunch of virtual soldiers in the upper back with my sniper rifle. I don't care what the mission is. I'm just going to find a nice bell tower and some bad guys and try to exercise my back demons in the only manner available. If it results in no actual physical relief at the very least it might make me feel better psychically.

I'm done. In many ways.

Have a good night guys. And hey Rogers, if you want to make me feel better why don't you just go ahead and pull the trigger on our fucking show already? I still won't be able to move without wincing but at least I'll have something to look forward to after this shit clears up. - mp