Day 438: Old Grammy Pink


It's 1:10am and I'm only getting around to doing this now. Terrible! I'm like a teenager these days, procrastinating homework. Brutal. Oh dear god I'm tired. But can I sleep?? No. No I cannot. Why? Because I was a lazy turd today and even though I knew we were going to my cousin's for dinner, I put off writing it.. supposing, I suppose, that we wouldn't stay out too late, given the fact we have a baby. 

Well here's the thing about babies.. who gives a shit? You know what I'm saying?? I don't mean to be insensitive or anything, but do you think the baby knows the difference between his queen sized bed -his usual location at 11pm- or slumped in my arms, at a dinner table, with the lights on?? Well, do you? 

He's eight months old -today in fact- and trust me, as long as he's fed and in a reasonably comfortable position, and with the flexibility of a baby that's pretty much any position except folded completely backwards.. although, even those cirque du solei people were babies at one point, and you could probably have folded one of them up and carried it around in your pocket... how handy would that be?? -anyway, point is, as long as he's sleeping, he's cool. 

The beauty about having a baby is that if the parents are sufficiently cool, and chill, and competent, you can pretty much just get on about your business and they'll just adapt to your routine. Which is as it should be. We need to stop being subservient to them! They wouldn't even be here if not for us, so no whining and moaning just because we go out for the night and you're upset because you've become accustomed to hearing rain sounds through a Jambox. That got strangely specific there in the end. 

Enough of this tip toeing around and early to bed nonsense, I say!! Listen, in the times we currently inhabit, with the chaos and the black clad men running around taking hammers to statues, not to mention the climate, and the ticks... oh dear god the ticks... we should all probably be getting back to our old school time patterns anyway; or as I call it, 'jungle time'. Where you have to be up and alert at the drop of a hat because at any moment a tiger could jump into your midst and blow shit up. Yes, the jungle, where no one is safe, and no one can be trusted because there are no rules. 

One must be able to adapt quickly in such a place. So get the kids used to it young.

That's just a general suggestion to all of my readers, trying to become less rigid with your night time patterns and more flexible with schedule. Things they are a changin', as someone has no doubt said in a song at some point. So really I'm saying this: hey you, person out there in blog land, who may have a baby right now, draped on top of them like a tranquilized kitten, go take that baby to your cousins house tomorrow for dinner and stay up talking till 11pm. And don't worry about it at all. Enjoy yourself. You've earned it. 

And furthermore, quit ruining your life by thinking all the scare mongering baby 'experts' are right and if you don't have your kids weaned off any love and affection by the time they're 8 months old, and in bed by 7pm sharp, they're going to be arsonists by the age of five and sociopathic serial killers by grade seven. 

Look, I'm not an expert on parenting, yet, or kids, just babies 8 months and younger. That's right, I'll go toe to toe with anyone on them, and hell, maybe I'll even start flexing my opinion on the matter more in the coming months.. or sentences.. at least. Whatever the case, in my opinion my kid had a great time tonight, watching a bunch of other little ones, three to be exact, with a fourth -tinier than Blaze slapped on his mom's chest, just as he was on mine- watching all those kids run around and play, and get up to shenanigans, and basically inspire him with with future ideas. 

One of the little ones in question is a bit of an escape artist. After tonight he will forever be the toddler I saw climb over the side of a patio deck, dangle calmly off the edge as his dad ran out to get him; like Sly Stallone in Cliffhanger, only to drop out of sight to the grass far below, where he then rolled and darted for the road, as per his most recent custom. Blaze watched the whole thing go down with a big shit eating grin on his face, so you know, monkey see monkey do. The toddler in question -who bumped his head a total of nine times today, in addition to launching himself off the deck- is of the indestructible sort, so he was fine. 

They all went to bed like champions and we sat up talking for a good long while. It was nice to catch up with them as I've been away a really long time and haven't had chance to spend much time with them at all over the last bunch of years. I suppose we're all hitting that age, where family is becoming more important to us. Also, with the world being what it is, I think it's important to have people around that have your back no matter what.

They're contractually obligated to have your back, I think, family members, are they not? To come to your aid no matter what? Unless you haven't gotten your family members to sign something official.. in which case shame on you for not being more forward thinking. I'm regularly calling my cousins to back me up in knife fights. And my aunt, of course; a legend with blades. 

Okay well my official time for this entry is up, just as I start getting loopy I see, so I'm just going to wrap it up and sign off for the night. Thank you to my cousin, for having us over and feeding us meat we can be sure wasn't bulldozed in any fashion. And thank you, of course, to all of you for checking in with me again. 

I hope you read that last part with a Mister Rogers voice, as it was intended.